Week 6
In bed again….

Wednesday

Wednesday was a stay in bed day, again! Not from choice either, the bloody pain! I text Steve to tell him I wouldn’t be in and briefly what was wrong, with the intention of calling him later on.

Thinking about college made the sickly feeling come back. What was I missing? I was going to be behind yet again. Where did the group think I was? Did they think I’d left? Probably, seen as I’d only been there 6 full days since we started. Shit, that’s rubbish, didn’t realise how little I had been there until I just wrote it down now! AND, I haven’t been able to do publish my blogs because my computer’s f**ked!! Unavoidable I know, but even so, it’s really rubbish. I’m worried about my attendance now, passing the course is one thing but it goes hand in hand with attendance, no-one will want to employ someone with a 2% attendance! It’s highly unlikely anyone would pass the course with a 2% attendance mind, but still, it aint’ looking good.

I thought about working on my assignment, something I could get on with that would make me feel a little better about missing college, and take my mind off it. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand for long enough to go and get my college bag, so there wasn’t a chance I could make it up more stairs to get to the computer. (I live in a large house, 5 floors, feels like 50 when I’m ill!) Now I felt worse because not only was I missing things at college, I couldn’t compensate it with some self study. Felt like a failure.

Thursday

Thursday was much the same. I couldn’t get out of bed and the sickly feeling was suffocating me. I planned to call Steve, I didn’t call on Wednesday because I was in and out of sleep again and I knew he would be teaching most of the day. I always feel better when I speak to him about college, he puts things in perspective and he answers those unanswered thoughts that niggle at you.
When I spoke to him, he did just that. He told me once again that my first priority was to get better and not to worry about college. After our conversation I felt like I could breathe again and the sickly feeling was muted for a while.

Later I started wondering what would happen with the assignment. In my mind I was determined I would get it done; I would get better and get it done. I told Steve this but he was a little more realistic. He knew I wasn’t going to get better over night and told me we’d sort it out later. I wasn’t sure how we’d sort it out, I knew there must be some procedure in circumstances such as mine, but I didn’t know what it was and it exhausted me thinking about it. At the start of the course, when I told Steve about my illness, I told him I didn’t want any special treatment, I would stick to deadlines and work like everybody else. Looking at it now, it is inevitable that it was going to happen but it’s not ‘special treatment’, it’s available to everyone in the same situation, so that makes me feel better about it.